I'm sure the first words out of the Dr.'s mouth when I was born weren't "It's a swimmer!", nevertheless that was life's ultimate plan for the years ahead. All growing up we spent summers in our grandma's pool and for a lot of us Gram would be our first coach. With my brother and sister along with cousins we would learn basic technique and the water became our second home. 'Reunions' were weekly if not daily. Swimming was my first love but sometimes life forces us to give up the things we love. At the age of 3 I was diagnosed with Chronic Renal Failure, more specifically Prune Belly; A kidney disease effecting 1 in 40,000. Attacking the immune system, reducing energy, and holding kidney function at 12-14% getting out of bed in the morning is nothing short of a miracle and everyday truely a blessing. When I was a Jr. in high school my swimming times began to slip and at first I didn't pay it much attention but I soon realized I was headed down a difficult road, a road that only went in one direction. Physically I didn't feel any different and for the next several weeks I wrestled with myself as I practiced. "Should I stay? Is it worth it anymore? What about the team?" Failure was knocking at my door and threatening what I loved. Without my hand on the knob the door opened and passion died. There was a moment standing waist deep in the water inbetween sets, everything slowed down and reality settled in my heart and sank to the bottom of the pool. Failure was not a choice but something I had to accept...or so I thought. For years after quiting the team I was bitter and angry, I didn't want to swim or even hear about swimming. I dont think my family understood where I was and quite frankly neither did I. Part of me died when I left and for those who have had a broken heart for whatever reason understand what I mean. Somewhere along the way my brother started to dabble in triathlons and other athletic events, soon my sister joined and before I knew it I had been sucked in as well. Emersed in a new journey, high school was in the past and another chapter in life was starting. Bitterness melted away and anger faded. "If you love something, set it free..." I don't recall who originally said this but for me this came true. I had a renewed love and a refined understanding and acceptance of the past. I moved on and gained a burning desire to rise above circumstance. Before I layed down and didn't fight, life will always find ways to knock us down but we only lose when we give up or give in. I'll push through the pain, I'll kick a little longer, I'll reach a little farther...I'll swim towards redemption

Sunday, May 8, 2011

'Misguided'

                                                                                           5-7-11

Using my last swim course as a guide and tweaking it a bit I was planning on 3 miles and depending on how I felt maybe hit 4.  I was happy to finally talk my dad into getting in and swimming with me, it was a nice day out and didn't notice much wind.  There were quit a few cars in the parking lot which was a great surprise even though they were there for boating and not to swim.  I noticed the water level had risen a couple feet and when my dad and I walked in it may have been me but it seemed a little colder than before but still felt good.  A couple strokes into the swim the water was feeling great and I was ready for a long swim.  When I reached the mouth of the marina and into the open water the waves began their plans to foil my goal.  They weren't too big but big enough that it was gonna be a tougher workout.  On my way to the first buoy I could feel my Gatorade Prime that I had shoved up the leg of my suit moving around and I began to doubt that it would stay in until I wanted it.  Heading east to begin the first lap I could feel the waves pushing me towards shore and had to correct my path a few times but made pretty good time.  Reaching the third buoy the plan was to head further away from shore to the red buoy.  I figured that they were red for a reason and that I wasn't supposed to swim out there but threw the rules out and went for it anyway.  On the second lap I heard the people standing on the look out yelling "Swimmer! Swimmer!!!"  I stopped and looked around trying to figure out what was going on and other than a boat that I had gone by me a couple times and I was keeping an eye on I didn't notice anything wrong so I kept swimming.  On the home stretch of the second lap I waded in the water and got out the Prime I brought with me to help with the dry mouth caused by salt.  With the first shot the contrast between the dryness of the salt and the wet sweetness I gagged, spit it out, and dry heaved but managed to get the rest down.  About halfway back from the second lap I started to get worn down and even a little frustrated at times with the waves and began debating whether I'd do a third or fourth lap, and knowing how upset I would be with myself I settled on doing a half lap and finishing at Silver Sands Beach.  Knowing that I was on my final leg it gave me extra adrenaline and it went by pretty quick.  Taking my Garmin GPS out of my swim cap it read 1.6 miles...needless to say I was upset and pretty disappointed with myself.  I knew by my estimation it wouldn't be 3 miles which was bad enough but cutting the third lap in half I was planning on seeing just over 2 miles so I ended up about a half mile of what I thought.  The thing that made it the worst was before the swim I told my parents that they were gonna see a new Jake record for distance.  I know they weren't disappointed but like my dad said "He's never  happy" and he is right as long as I don't hit at least a 5k.  When I got home I realized that my estimations were right but as part of my laps I didn't swim back into the marina or add something else to keep that lost distance.  I believe in being hard on myself but also finding good things to look at, so to end on a happy note the 1.6 miles was double the distance of my last swim and the furthest I have gone so far this year.  My pace was also pretty good right around 2 mph.

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