The Beginning Of The End?

     For the past 20 plus years despite health issues I have been able to do what I have wanted.  In high school I wasn't the fasted on the team which was fine but I was always reliable for points at every meet to help my team.  I worked hard and I wasn't great but I'm comfortable with saying I was good.

     The past few months however have been dramatically different.  I am starting to feel how all the years of check ups said I was supposed to be feeling.  My health I believe is finally at the beginning of the end.  I feel like Sampson getting his hair cut off and suddenly losing all his strength.

     I keep telling myself "Oh you're just out of shape." (Which is true) But it's more than that.  I go out to swim or bike and there's just nothing there.  The quality of my work has significantly dropped during this time and am now cutting back hours.  I've got a pounding headache most of the time, I've lost over 30 pounds...But the hardest thing of all is when I have one of my nephews tugging on my shorts wanting me to chase them or go play, and looking at their sweet innocent smiling faces and tell them no.  Immediately turning there smiles into heartbreaking faces that say "Why? Don't you love me?"

     For now the story is not finished but I'm not sure what the future will write...

Who Am I?

6-27-12

       Since i'm not going to be taking part in the weekly swim tomorrow i'm gonna write about whats been on my mind recently.

       "Who am I?"  It's a common question for any athlete to ask him/herself.  I cant even begin to count the times I have asked myself this question whether before a workout, after a race, and so on.  When pondering about this and looking at myself I always come back with the same response: "Who do you want to be?"  A question that I can more easily come to a conclusion.  I want to be awesome!  I want to become one of those people that I have looked up to and gotten my strength and confidence from.  My brother Josh, our buddies Gordon, and Goody, and who could forget Lynn Cox whose behind my inspiration for this blog in the first place.  I want to be those people.

       There is one thing that has been a hinderence to me and made it very difficult to reach goals.  When I was seven I had an accident which left me with titanium plates and screws in my head.  As dumb as it may seem after about a mile and a half to two miles I get painful headaches from the swim cap squeezing my head.  I could easily just not wear a swim cap training but any race they are required.  And if Idon't wear my cap I lose my ability to have my gps, and in cold water forget about keeping my head in the water.  So, the big question: Do I have surgery to take them out?

       Again it's another difficult question.  In the past my parents have asked if I wanted them out and with no thought i'd say no.  It didn't matter in the past, but now that I see the potential to acheive something by doing it it's not a no thought answer.  It's not even about the money, after 20 years of having them, well.......Its who I am.  It's part of what makes me me, and I'm not sure that I want to get rid of that.

Long Road Ahead

6-21-12

       Thursday I was excited to be getting back into the water, all day I watched the clocked waiting impatiently until it was time to leave.  As is always the case I spent the day day dreaming about how far I would go thinking that a mile would be too easy, after all I'd done it many times in my "career", and that I'd possibly go for two.  I knew I was out of shape before even getting in the car not doing anything for at least seven months, and not "in shape" when I stopped, but nevertheless was unswayed and confident that I'd reach my goal.  I was sorely mistaken.

       I like to think that I don't give up easily or quit very often, and I suppose every situation is different on how you'd define either result.  I don't take falling short very well and unfortunately at least from my perspective when I don't accomplish a goal it's typically a result of several obstacles, whether mere annoyances or major concerns.  When do you push it, and when do you surrender and come back?

       I didn't reach my goal by at least 1.5 miles, but I didn't give up I surrendered to my weakened body.  On my way back to shore I was already drawing up plans in my mind on how to get back in shape to where I can do what I want.  The steps will be small and the road long, but the reward for perseverance sweet.