I'm sure the first words out of the Dr.'s mouth when I was born weren't "It's a swimmer!", nevertheless that was life's ultimate plan for the years ahead. All growing up we spent summers in our grandma's pool and for a lot of us Gram would be our first coach. With my brother and sister along with cousins we would learn basic technique and the water became our second home. 'Reunions' were weekly if not daily. Swimming was my first love but sometimes life forces us to give up the things we love. At the age of 3 I was diagnosed with Chronic Renal Failure, more specifically Prune Belly; A kidney disease effecting 1 in 40,000. Attacking the immune system, reducing energy, and holding kidney function at 12-14% getting out of bed in the morning is nothing short of a miracle and everyday truely a blessing. When I was a Jr. in high school my swimming times began to slip and at first I didn't pay it much attention but I soon realized I was headed down a difficult road, a road that only went in one direction. Physically I didn't feel any different and for the next several weeks I wrestled with myself as I practiced. "Should I stay? Is it worth it anymore? What about the team?" Failure was knocking at my door and threatening what I loved. Without my hand on the knob the door opened and passion died. There was a moment standing waist deep in the water inbetween sets, everything slowed down and reality settled in my heart and sank to the bottom of the pool. Failure was not a choice but something I had to accept...or so I thought. For years after quiting the team I was bitter and angry, I didn't want to swim or even hear about swimming. I dont think my family understood where I was and quite frankly neither did I. Part of me died when I left and for those who have had a broken heart for whatever reason understand what I mean. Somewhere along the way my brother started to dabble in triathlons and other athletic events, soon my sister joined and before I knew it I had been sucked in as well. Emersed in a new journey, high school was in the past and another chapter in life was starting. Bitterness melted away and anger faded. "If you love something, set it free..." I don't recall who originally said this but for me this came true. I had a renewed love and a refined understanding and acceptance of the past. I moved on and gained a burning desire to rise above circumstance. Before I layed down and didn't fight, life will always find ways to knock us down but we only lose when we give up or give in. I'll push through the pain, I'll kick a little longer, I'll reach a little farther...I'll swim towards redemption

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Who Am I?

6-27-12

       Since i'm not going to be taking part in the weekly swim tomorrow i'm gonna write about whats been on my mind recently.

       "Who am I?"  It's a common question for any athlete to ask him/herself.  I cant even begin to count the times I have asked myself this question whether before a workout, after a race, and so on.  When pondering about this and looking at myself I always come back with the same response: "Who do you want to be?"  A question that I can more easily come to a conclusion.  I want to be awesome!  I want to become one of those people that I have looked up to and gotten my strength and confidence from.  My brother Josh, our buddies Gordon, and Goody, and who could forget Lynn Cox whose behind my inspiration for this blog in the first place.  I want to be those people.

       There is one thing that has been a hinderence to me and made it very difficult to reach goals.  When I was seven I had an accident which left me with titanium plates and screws in my head.  As dumb as it may seem after about a mile and a half to two miles I get painful headaches from the swim cap squeezing my head.  I could easily just not wear a swim cap training but any race they are required.  And if Idon't wear my cap I lose my ability to have my gps, and in cold water forget about keeping my head in the water.  So, the big question: Do I have surgery to take them out?

       Again it's another difficult question.  In the past my parents have asked if I wanted them out and with no thought i'd say no.  It didn't matter in the past, but now that I see the potential to acheive something by doing it it's not a no thought answer.  It's not even about the money, after 20 years of having them, well.......Its who I am.  It's part of what makes me me, and I'm not sure that I want to get rid of that.

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