I'm sure the first words out of the Dr.'s mouth when I was born weren't "It's a swimmer!", nevertheless that was life's ultimate plan for the years ahead. All growing up we spent summers in our grandma's pool and for a lot of us Gram would be our first coach. With my brother and sister along with cousins we would learn basic technique and the water became our second home. 'Reunions' were weekly if not daily. Swimming was my first love but sometimes life forces us to give up the things we love. At the age of 3 I was diagnosed with Chronic Renal Failure, more specifically Prune Belly; A kidney disease effecting 1 in 40,000. Attacking the immune system, reducing energy, and holding kidney function at 12-14% getting out of bed in the morning is nothing short of a miracle and everyday truely a blessing. When I was a Jr. in high school my swimming times began to slip and at first I didn't pay it much attention but I soon realized I was headed down a difficult road, a road that only went in one direction. Physically I didn't feel any different and for the next several weeks I wrestled with myself as I practiced. "Should I stay? Is it worth it anymore? What about the team?" Failure was knocking at my door and threatening what I loved. Without my hand on the knob the door opened and passion died. There was a moment standing waist deep in the water inbetween sets, everything slowed down and reality settled in my heart and sank to the bottom of the pool. Failure was not a choice but something I had to accept...or so I thought. For years after quiting the team I was bitter and angry, I didn't want to swim or even hear about swimming. I dont think my family understood where I was and quite frankly neither did I. Part of me died when I left and for those who have had a broken heart for whatever reason understand what I mean. Somewhere along the way my brother started to dabble in triathlons and other athletic events, soon my sister joined and before I knew it I had been sucked in as well. Emersed in a new journey, high school was in the past and another chapter in life was starting. Bitterness melted away and anger faded. "If you love something, set it free..." I don't recall who originally said this but for me this came true. I had a renewed love and a refined understanding and acceptance of the past. I moved on and gained a burning desire to rise above circumstance. Before I layed down and didn't fight, life will always find ways to knock us down but we only lose when we give up or give in. I'll push through the pain, I'll kick a little longer, I'll reach a little farther...I'll swim towards redemption
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Gulf Of Mexico
Just returned home from being with my parents in Florida last night. Although I didn't participate in any races I was able to make it to Clearwater Beach on the west coast of Florida and swim in the Gulf Of Mexico. It was early afternoon when we arrived at the beach and although it was partially cloudy the suns rays managed to penetrate through making it a comfortable mid 70's day. People were scattered all along the vast stretches of soft powdery white sand; some were laying out while others ran along the shoreline and a select few tip-toed around in the water, but no one was going for it and getting in--and upon walking in I realized why all the hesitation. With my body as the only thermometer I had I put the water at a chilly 50-55, significantly cooler than the Pacific wrapping your skin in a paralyzed tingly wet blanket. Pushing hesitation aside I continued walking deeper and deeper into the ocean. Standing neck deep in the water like a buoy my head bobbed and swayed as I contemplated submersion. It took quite a few minutes to get used to the water but once I was in I enjoyed the experience and not to mention the fact that I was the only one in sight brave enough to muster the courage to face the cold.
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